I’m partly writing this on behalf of the experiences of a friend of mine, but also on behalf of many girls I seem to run into in my sphere who get imposed upon in similar manner. No where else in the world have I seen this scenario play out with such frequency and minimal variation than here, so it may as well be addressed.
It begins with the age-old set up: boy sees attractive girl and develops fondness for her. Boy begins to become acquainted with girl’s schedule and hopes that he will run into her, but doesn’t actually know anything about who she is and makes no attempt to speak to her. Boy fixates on girl for anywhere from 3 months to an immeasurable amount of years. Boy begins to know everything about girl’s schedule and thinks she is the queen of the universe, but again, refuses to initiate conversation. Boy either continues to hide his feelings for this beautiful stranger or tells all his friends about this fascinating creature to all of his trusted friends. Boy still never talks to girl, just watches from afar until someone tells him to get cracking and make a move.
(Bear in mind, by this point, boy has imagined this girl to be his future wife and has managed to picture everything about his destiny with her by his side, but you guessed it… has never uttered more than 20 words to her in his life).
Then… the rough part: boy makes his move. Does he ask her to coffee? No. He asks for her hand in marriage!! Well, not literally, but close enough. Boy actually confesses his undying love for her and tells her he’s had his eye on her for years and knows that with time she will come to see that he has in fact “heard from the Lord”.
Now, I can’t decide between what is more horrifying about this situation. And Posse, maybe you can help me out with this, but between the fact that he took so long to tell her he had a crush on her, the fact that he is practically trying to shape her future by considering her his future bride, and the fact that he is actually overwhelmed with surprise and dispair when she bolts in the opposite direction all equal a torrent of that which I can only consider horrifying. But unfortunately, this very situation, with slight exceptions to details here and there, has come up again and again in the lives of single women I know.
So I say this- Gentlemen, please, when you like a girl, just ask her out. There’s nothing wrong with saying something as simple as, “Hey, would you want to grab coffee with me sometime soon?” Believe it or not, you don’t have to say ANYTHING beyond that! If she says no, then leave her be and move on. If she says “yes” and looks interested, she has filled in enough of the blanks to know that you like her. See, girls are smart, and they know that a boy asking her out means he likes her. They don’t need you to put your heart on your sleeve and tell her how many times a day you get lost in dreaming about how intoxicating her eyes are, or if you want to sound more spiritual, how she is the most godly woman you have ever seen, or the most detrimental- how you knew the moment you saw her that she would one day be your wife. That stuff might be true, but those are lines you use when a ring you bought for her is safely perched on her finger- not before!! All she needs to know right now is that you’re interested. If it goes well, you have the rest of the relationship to unravel your feelings about her, bit by precious bit.
It’s like a cinnamon roll. Some people shove the whole thing in their mouth as quickly as possible, but to me that is barbaric. The true and only way to eat a cinnamon roll, in my VERY experienced opinion on pastries, is to unravel it. You begin on the outside with anticipation and excitement. Then you work your way to the center, and the closer you get, the better the experience becomes. You never rush. Love is patient, right? If you suck that pastry down too fast, you don’t feel satisfied because they were meant to be enjoyed. The smell, the gooey cinnamon swirling about with the profoundly unhealthy amount of icing is all a part of the experience you miss when you inhale such a wonderful treat.
So it is with getting to know someone. You begin almost timidly, but filled with delight. Like the roll, you gently begin your journey to the center with care, never wanting to miss a moment, because, as with the cinnamon roll, if you do, you miss the best part- the reward of having taken your time to come to the prize. Go slow, boys. The fastest way to lose a girl is to throw away the process.
Now a word to the girls: there’s nothing wrong with going out with a boy. If you don’t like him, don’t say yes. If you do, it’s okay- if he does his job, you’re not saying yes to a marriage proposal, you’re just getting free coffee and a chat that could lead somewhere awesome if you don’t freak out and run away.