“YES! I’m EXHAUSTED!!!” I say to my husband a few weeks back after finally having a melt-down. My baby girl was running a fever, and I had never cared for a sick infant for more than a couple of hours in my life. Here I was, up all night, staggering back and forth between my daughter’s room, and the bed that was tormenting me with its inviting warmth. Tears streamed down from my sagging eyes as I recounted my day to my husband who had been away at work. I fumed at the fact that I had been caring for a sick baby by myself all day, and though I had no intention of letting him know it, my husband was getting a mental tough-lashing as I silently walked down the hall to take a nap. Never mind the fact that he had kindly taken the baby out of my arms, and practically demanded I go to sleep in the gentle way that I does when he knows I’m about to break. I had clocked out.
Today is day 103 if you don’t count pregnancy in this number. I have been a mom for 103 days now. It’s a pretty incredible gig. I’ve never worked harder for no monetary reward whatsoever, and that’s saying something since I’ve been involved in various forms of ministry for 6 years running! What I have found to be true of this career of motherhood is that who you truly are is proven by your character in the seclusion of the job. In other words, you find out what you’re made of, and then once you’re broken by that, God makes you into something truly amazing.
My partially verbal and partially mental outburst at my husband on the day my daughter was sick was proof of something to me; I’m a work in progress. Being a native-born Minnesotan, much of who I truly am stays hidden within the confines of my brain, and if you don’t know any Minnesotans, let me just say that we are an enigma. My poor husband hails from the Southwest, and I never have to wonder what he’s thinking, not just because he’s an extrovert, but because his culture lays it out there! Mine, however, can be described as “mum’s the word”! Talking about our true feelings can be tantamount to declaring all out war on your offender, and would therefore mean the end of a relationship if that person is also a Minnesotan. Yes, we bottle things inside, but I believe that we also are the inventors of the bottle.
So why is this important? Well, as a mom, much of my life is lived in my mind. Why? Because my daughter requires more entertaining verbalizing, and because I rarely have another adult to converse with during most days until my husband gets home. Why don’t I just take the kid all over the place? Because my child hates… let me reiterate…. HATES the car. She is an absolute delight until she is riding along in my automobile, and then her blood begins to boil (she is not a Minnesotan!). Oddly enough, she tolerates it on long road trips. Don’t ask.
My point in saying all of this is that I am on a vast learning curve, particularly in regards to the apostle Paul’s exhortation to Corinthians (2 Corinth. 10:5) to take every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. A student of mine said this phrase that I keep repeating to myself throughout the day: “You’re thought life is your prayer life!” She said it not to emphasize some weird idea that thinking is prayer, which it is not, but rather to encourage her fellow students that our thoughts matter greatly to God, and to turn our thoughts into a conversation with the Lord, rather than wasting them on fantasy, complaints, wishful thinking, and vain imagination.
As a mom, this is one of the most important lessons I am learning. “Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14
